My Stubborn Heart

Sept 8, 2009

Sometimes, I honestly can't believe how stubborn my head and heart can be towards God, and in those times, I wonder what it would be like to walk with Him like some do...completely willing and wholeheartedly. In the past, God has literally struck me with physical ailments (nothing major, don't flip lol) to get me to listen and I'm so good at pulling a Jonah and just fleeing. Last week, I had London fed, bathed, and down for a nap. The house was clean, laundry going, and was at that very moment making some homemade chicken babyfood, and though I realize that there's no such thing as Super Mom, I was thinking I was pretty darn close at that moment in time. Then, before I knew it, a freak accident causes the blender (yes, that incredibly thick glass) to shatter. Glass everywhere, the chicken ruined, and if that wasn't enough, London woke up way way too early in a BAD mood. I had to throw my hands up and laugh loudly at my silliness. I'm so thankful to God for those moments when He just lets me go until an opportunity comes where He can remind me that I'm not in control and to lean on Him and not on myself. I just wish so badly that it didn't take a shattered blender for my humility to roll around! As I sit here, I'm looking around at all the appliances I have left and I fear for them; however, I am blown away that the God of the universe, the Holiest of Holies cares enough about me (and you) that He would go to the extent of allowing me to bust my blender (or busting my blender, depending on who you're blaming lol), or my car, or whatever it takes to get me to sit down, have a cup of cappiccino with Him during naptime instead of "chores" and realize that He's in charge. Are there people out there that don't need to be strongly called by God? They feel that gentle urging and do it, instead of getting so wrapped up in their lives that we forget to listen for His voice adn don't hear it until He's seriously meaning business? I can't wait until I finally get it one day. When He'll speak gently in the wind, and I'll hear and run to Him. I can't wait until I have that relationship with Him, and I will. I'm determined. I'll give up every small appliance I own! :)