I'm happy that God knows women better than we know ourselves. He gave us our nurturing characteristics and He also knows that with that gift, among others, we have a tendency to over nurture. We get so busy taking care of everyone and everything else, that we forget about ourselves. Then, at the end of the day (sometimes even the middle of the day), we've poured out all the gentleness, patience, and every other fruit of the Spirit we had and are now running on fumes. I very often find myself forgetting to refuel and then sitting, stranded on the road without being able to do anything until He comes and refills me. Now this is where the beauty of motherhood comes in. Not only does He give mothers a new fufilling role of nurturer, but He balances out our inability to see clearly any longer that we need refueling.
My daughter is my gage. Sometimes, I feel like I can be nice to other people, but how I'm reacting to London shows exactly where my Spirit is. I can be nice and apologetic to a waitress during London's meltdown, and publically be patient with her, but inside, I'm humilated and beyond frustrated. I'm learning to watch not only my outward responses to London, but my internal reactions. I'm learning to refuel before I become harsh or "too" impatient, but that's an uphill battle that I haven't quite mastered. I'm just happy to say I finally saw the tool God is using in my life.
My prayer now is that I remember not to see everything my daughter, or children, do wrong. To let her enjoy being a child, even if that requires Mommy to turn her head in situations, such as when she wants to squish the rest of the banana she's having for snack instead of saying she's done. (Not that I'd give her more banana after that haha) But to see that she's playing with something that maybe I don't care for her to touch, but in the end, it's hurting no one and she's not unsafe, learning bad habits, or being rebellious...she's just curious. Life is so full of new things for her, and I want desperately to reflect the love for her that my Lord has that she can't quite understand yet. I would love for her to learn about God as she grows with an easy realization that He loves her beyond her understanding because that's what she gets at home and it isn't baffling to her.
He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. Proverbs 14:26
