A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
-Amanda Soule
-Amanda Soule
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Recovery
today, I'm recovering. just a minor operation, but it's left me on the couch a day or two.
I've never recovered before.
I've never taken the time,
even with two babies, I never even slowed
and this perspective is new to me.
the house is quiet, and I'm marvelling at the home we have.
the washing machine is running, without me.
a chubby baby is sleeping peacefully, without me.
our little home is still here.
I've noticed anew the large framed pictures on walls,
little notes and signs that were meant to serve as reminders
that I simply pass by each day,
busy with some new importance.
they were supposed to remind me of who I am, or at least want to be.
to remind me of people and faith,
of little faces behind the stickiness and dirt.
but I forgot anyway.
maybe I don't sit down enough?
but then, there's another thing to add to a to-do list.
maybe I never simply am.
yes, that's it, I believe.
I do.
I do laundry.
I do dishes.
I do diaper changes.
but..I am.
I am partner, not just wife.
I am friend, not just disciplinary.
I am daughter, not just mother.
pupil.
mistake maker.
strong.
loving.
I think this may be my new favorite seat in our home.
I've never recovered before.
I've never taken the time,
even with two babies, I never even slowed
and this perspective is new to me.
the house is quiet, and I'm marvelling at the home we have.
the washing machine is running, without me.
a chubby baby is sleeping peacefully, without me.
our little home is still here.
I've noticed anew the large framed pictures on walls,
little notes and signs that were meant to serve as reminders
that I simply pass by each day,
busy with some new importance.
they were supposed to remind me of who I am, or at least want to be.
to remind me of people and faith,
of little faces behind the stickiness and dirt.
but I forgot anyway.
maybe I don't sit down enough?
but then, there's another thing to add to a to-do list.
maybe I never simply am.
yes, that's it, I believe.
I do.
I do laundry.
I do dishes.
I do diaper changes.
but..I am.
I am partner, not just wife.
I am friend, not just disciplinary.
I am daughter, not just mother.
pupil.
mistake maker.
strong.
loving.
I think this may be my new favorite seat in our home.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
As iron sharpens iron
I've been mulling over some ponderings in my head as of late on the topic of motherhood. I follow a lot of blogs. many. many blogs. Most are craft blogs, and some are writings. There is one in particular of a mother with several children. Her blog makes you want to sit at her kitchen table in the morning and share a cup of coffee while kids run in and out and muffins bake. Her house seems calm, serene, but mostly, filled with love. A love of motherhood and nurturing that I want so badly that I can't even stand it. It is a rite of passage to her that has created her a new being that is more important than the one she had before. She soaks in time with her children like I soak in alone time, and I want what she has. Out of all my many blogs, she inspires me the most. Here's the kicker, this woman is the only mother that I follow that is not a Christian. oops. We are messing up here. Let me reiterate this again, out of more than a dozen women (all of which are amazing women, don't get me wrong!) the one that sharpens me and challenges me in more ways than she'd ever guess, does not have the Holy Spirit.
I've been trying to figure this out for weeks now, and I still do not have it figured out completely. Part of it, I think is the programming. I am not programmed to wake up with the one unspoken goal to achieve again and again each day of speaking "I love you" into my children in more ways than just verbally. I'm programmed to survive. I don't know when that programming began. I don't even know how long it lay dormant. I just know it's there.
Part is the words spoken into us. What do we hear when pregnant or a new mother? "If you're uncomfortable now, wait until labor." "Eh, by the time you're in labor, you won't care. You'll just be in so much pain that nothing will matter." "You think you don't get sleep now wait until you're wondering where they're at all night." Negatives. What about things like, "pregnancy is rough, but I loved the part of wondering what they'll look like, and who they would one day become." "Labor isn't exactly the most fun of your life, but it's the very beginning of a life. A time when God's promises and miracles are actively taking place, and His presence covers the room while waiting to speak NOW and your baby is born." "Teenage years can be crazy, but Proverbs 31 tells us a Godly woman looks to the future and smiles, not dreads. Imagine how beautiful your teenage daughter will be as she learns who she is during that time." Where are those comments? Young mothers need encouragement. We need Truth.
Then, of course, comes the question of, am I that mother? Do I speak those comments? Of course not. I'm the first kind of mother. I live in chaos. It's the name of my blog! But...God brings order from chaos. And...after all, I do have the Holy Spirit.
We juggle so much. We try to do it all and keep a billion priorities and then battle to keep our families at least high on the list. I don't know what my steps of action will be to shaping my soul will be yet, but they will come. Until then, I'll remain in thoughtful prayer. I wonder if I'm completely alone in this season, but that's okay if I am. I suppose pits are easier to leave when you don't have a roommate anyway. ;) Reprogramming will have to begin, of course. And the list of things being juggled will be cut down drastically. I'll make a serious effort even more to surround myself with women that sharpen me and that leave me when a little more love. Don't you love being around those people? The ones that you leave their house feeling a little more love for your husband and being a wife. A little more love for your children and your role as their mother. A little more love for your family and that you're a sister/daughter/aunt/niece. I've always fought to be around those people...I've just never asked myself if I was one of them.
...just some pondering...mulling around in my head. London's memory verse (probably for the summer) is Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what He did for me. Psalm 66:16. This is now the new song of my heart. I want first for Him to make me the new creation and new mother, and then to pass that along to others, particularly those young mothers. If you got all the way to the end of this rambling, congrats :) I wish we could sit and have coffee while kids run and muffins bake, because if you're still reading, you're probably in this season too ;). haha
I've been trying to figure this out for weeks now, and I still do not have it figured out completely. Part of it, I think is the programming. I am not programmed to wake up with the one unspoken goal to achieve again and again each day of speaking "I love you" into my children in more ways than just verbally. I'm programmed to survive. I don't know when that programming began. I don't even know how long it lay dormant. I just know it's there.
Part is the words spoken into us. What do we hear when pregnant or a new mother? "If you're uncomfortable now, wait until labor." "Eh, by the time you're in labor, you won't care. You'll just be in so much pain that nothing will matter." "You think you don't get sleep now wait until you're wondering where they're at all night." Negatives. What about things like, "pregnancy is rough, but I loved the part of wondering what they'll look like, and who they would one day become." "Labor isn't exactly the most fun of your life, but it's the very beginning of a life. A time when God's promises and miracles are actively taking place, and His presence covers the room while waiting to speak NOW and your baby is born." "Teenage years can be crazy, but Proverbs 31 tells us a Godly woman looks to the future and smiles, not dreads. Imagine how beautiful your teenage daughter will be as she learns who she is during that time." Where are those comments? Young mothers need encouragement. We need Truth.
Then, of course, comes the question of, am I that mother? Do I speak those comments? Of course not. I'm the first kind of mother. I live in chaos. It's the name of my blog! But...God brings order from chaos. And...after all, I do have the Holy Spirit.
We juggle so much. We try to do it all and keep a billion priorities and then battle to keep our families at least high on the list. I don't know what my steps of action will be to shaping my soul will be yet, but they will come. Until then, I'll remain in thoughtful prayer. I wonder if I'm completely alone in this season, but that's okay if I am. I suppose pits are easier to leave when you don't have a roommate anyway. ;) Reprogramming will have to begin, of course. And the list of things being juggled will be cut down drastically. I'll make a serious effort even more to surround myself with women that sharpen me and that leave me when a little more love. Don't you love being around those people? The ones that you leave their house feeling a little more love for your husband and being a wife. A little more love for your children and your role as their mother. A little more love for your family and that you're a sister/daughter/aunt/niece. I've always fought to be around those people...I've just never asked myself if I was one of them.
...just some pondering...mulling around in my head. London's memory verse (probably for the summer) is Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what He did for me. Psalm 66:16. This is now the new song of my heart. I want first for Him to make me the new creation and new mother, and then to pass that along to others, particularly those young mothers. If you got all the way to the end of this rambling, congrats :) I wish we could sit and have coffee while kids run and muffins bake, because if you're still reading, you're probably in this season too ;). haha
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