Darkness

February 2, 2010
Last night before Lance and I went to bed, London woke up screaming. Parents know the difference in those cries. Usually at night, it's the whiney one that is quite easy to ignore for the 5 seconds that she's making it before falling back to sleep. However, there are those, like last night, that make you want to run into their room and rescue them. I don't know if she was having a bad dream or just woke up confused, but she was quite unhappy. Other than a tiny bit of lamp light from our room across the hall coming in her partially open door, it was completely dark in her room as I sat rocking her. About five minutes into it, I started crying. How many times have you awakened in your life to utter darkness? I have several times. I've had times in my life where I feel like I had been spiritually asleep for however long, and suddenly, I'm awake and scared about what's going on around me and where I am. Sometimes, like London, I don't even know where I am. In those moments, London has the right idea. There's nothing to do but cry out. I see David over and over, crying out to God in Psalms from his darkness.
So, when I go in to get her, I grab her, the pacy, and of course, her favorite blanket. Even in the darkness, she knows it's me. And as my eyes adjust, I can always start to make out her face and she's always sitting there, eyes wide still, but completely calm. What a wonderful feeling. Sometimes, God does not immediately remove us from the darkness. In fact, He may not at all. I don't take London into a well lit room. I calm her down, put her back in the bed, and she stays there until that room is lit by natural light. It's a nice reminder. That even if He doesn't rescue us by sweeping in and whisking us away to a better situation, He's there. He's holding us, calming our souls, whispering loving and reassuring words in our ears until we can handle what we must again. Usually, London sleeps all through the night with no cries, but occasionally, we have nights where that situation is repeated all night long. But guess what, I always go in. I always hold her, and rock her, and she always drifts back to sleep. How much more faithful is our God?

For You light my lamp; the Lord my God illuminates my darkness. --Psalm 18:28