One of the reasons I write publicly about my spiritual journey is in hopes that it will help anyone else that may come across it and is struggling in something similar and just needing to know they aren't alone. The main reason, however, is because the posts usually include something God is working on in me and a public admittance helps me to stay accountable. This week, the Holy Spirit has really been tugging on my heart in a few ways.
One of these is the devotion I give to my daughter. Driving in the car in the summer heat, I can not physically put vents on myself. They're all facing her and I'm constantly watching her cheeks to make sure they're not too pink. I make sure she has a cup of water or something to snack on when we go somewhere. Every time I'm with her (which is all the time now that I think about it..) I'm constantly thinking of her well being and comfort. I can't do that for everyone, b/c honestly, I'd probably die from exhaustion haha, but what if I spent half or even a fraction of that attention to physical needs on others? What if when I saw others in public, I truly cared how they were. Would I have offered Jesus a drink at the well, or would I have filled my bucket and hurried off to make sure my little kingdom at home was working like a well oiled machine? I don't really want to know the answer to that, but I'm pretty sure I can bet on what would have happened. Jesus said in Matthew, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"
Another lately is my need for comfort. I enjoy a surplus. At any time in our house, if we run out of hand soap, olive oil, spices, whatever, there is a larger container somewhere to refill it. I enjoy buying in bulk and eliminating the worry of running out. Lance and I are, by no means, "well off" though we are richer than most people in this world just because of our home, food, and other things we deem as "necessity." Things in my life that I need, whether financial stability, fruits of the spirit, recipe ingredients, or whatever, I cling to the surplus. I'm reminded by His spirit over and over, however, of the manna given to the Israelites that was just enough for them that day but would ruin when hoarded. I'm trying to realize that the things I need or want in life are given to me daily and by the second from Him. I'm only breathing b/c He just gave me this breath, and the next one and the next. If He stops, I stop, and I can not run without Him. A recent video clip by Priscilla Shirer really made me stop and think when she reminded us that out of the 2 million Isrealites that were brought out of Egypt, shown the miracles they witnessed, and given all that they were, only two made it to the Promised Land. 1 in a million. ...and now I'm wondering where I would fall in that number based on my life right now.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
For Moms, whether working or at home :)
I have days where I feel like I'm still brand new to the mom thing. London changes so fast that about the time I feel like I have a grip on our relationship, she goes through a new phase, learns a new trick, or gets a tooth which sends us right back to the start where I'm clueless.
Then...there are other days, most days. The days where I can't remember my life before diaper bags, nap times, and toys strewn across my living room. I forget the Heather that was single and used to shrug her shoulders when questioned on the urgency of a midnight walmart trip. I look to my past and see only pregnancy and London, and I look to the future and see only soccer games (hopefully ;)) and math homework, and my present is consumed with Mommy-ness. On these days, I get lost. Lost in my world, my kingdom.
A struggle I've had since London and will probably continue to have is knowing where the line is drawn between my identity as a mom and everything else. I hear from other moms about their love of being a stay at home mom and how it's what God meant in making our children our main priority. Then, I'm plagued with guilt. I know for a fact that God has called me into His ministry and given me a heart for women. I don't know what that looks like exactly with small children at home, and I don't know what my future will hold, but I know of that calling. I'm grateful that for the next couple of years at least, I will not have to be away from home more than part time, but that God has led me to a church where I can have all the girl time I can handle with so many University girls around me.
In the meantime, God is showing me little by little what it looks like to be a wife, woman, and yes, mother. I was beginning to think the other day that I had gotten it all wrong and that wife and mother were what I was this season of my life and I was being selfish to think otherwise. This is when God led me to Isaiah 9. In reading about Christ's future first coming, I read the list of roles he would fulfill: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Everyone knows the different roles a mom is just within that one job: nurse, cook, cleaning lady, and so on. However, God revealed to me that Jesus came to fulfill many roles to many people and that I am to look to His example for that. I have no plans on leaving my stay at home position (other than school) for quite some time, but in this verse, I have more freedom in seeing things when I will go back to work and have to be away. I thought I would share this verse with other moms, whether staying at home and wondering if this is just their identity now, or moms that can’t be home, whether from financial reasons or because it is not their calling. Either way, you are loved by God. He created you to raise your children up to know Him, to support your husband as he follows Him, but mostly, to be His daughter and bask in the knowledge that you are beautiful and perfect in His sight.
Then...there are other days, most days. The days where I can't remember my life before diaper bags, nap times, and toys strewn across my living room. I forget the Heather that was single and used to shrug her shoulders when questioned on the urgency of a midnight walmart trip. I look to my past and see only pregnancy and London, and I look to the future and see only soccer games (hopefully ;)) and math homework, and my present is consumed with Mommy-ness. On these days, I get lost. Lost in my world, my kingdom.
A struggle I've had since London and will probably continue to have is knowing where the line is drawn between my identity as a mom and everything else. I hear from other moms about their love of being a stay at home mom and how it's what God meant in making our children our main priority. Then, I'm plagued with guilt. I know for a fact that God has called me into His ministry and given me a heart for women. I don't know what that looks like exactly with small children at home, and I don't know what my future will hold, but I know of that calling. I'm grateful that for the next couple of years at least, I will not have to be away from home more than part time, but that God has led me to a church where I can have all the girl time I can handle with so many University girls around me.
In the meantime, God is showing me little by little what it looks like to be a wife, woman, and yes, mother. I was beginning to think the other day that I had gotten it all wrong and that wife and mother were what I was this season of my life and I was being selfish to think otherwise. This is when God led me to Isaiah 9. In reading about Christ's future first coming, I read the list of roles he would fulfill: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Everyone knows the different roles a mom is just within that one job: nurse, cook, cleaning lady, and so on. However, God revealed to me that Jesus came to fulfill many roles to many people and that I am to look to His example for that. I have no plans on leaving my stay at home position (other than school) for quite some time, but in this verse, I have more freedom in seeing things when I will go back to work and have to be away. I thought I would share this verse with other moms, whether staying at home and wondering if this is just their identity now, or moms that can’t be home, whether from financial reasons or because it is not their calling. Either way, you are loved by God. He created you to raise your children up to know Him, to support your husband as he follows Him, but mostly, to be His daughter and bask in the knowledge that you are beautiful and perfect in His sight.
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