There is a time for everything

Story is now 6 weeks old tomorrow and London is not quite 20 months. I don't need to really give anymore detail into my average day, because that says it right there. I have to say that though the transition of having two kids was MUCH easier than the initial transition to one child, this is the darkest pit I've experienced thus far. There is something very difficult about having to grasp only the future and no present. I'm one of those that normally looks to future goals. I do something now, for what will come in the future. Though there are some things I enjoy, strictly because I can see progress right that second, like painting something or rearranging a room. However, in the life of a mother, it's very easy to lose track of those little things because you're constantly doing little things that you've already done 14 times that day, you did 30 times yesterday, and you'll do them 50 times tomorrow. Each day, I feed, clothe, clean, wipe, clean, change, clean, and so on. I load the dishwasher only to load it again later that day or tomorrow. I clean a high chair, and then do it again several more times before bed.

In this type of situation, it is so very hard to see purpose. I understand that what I'm doing will mold these little people into big people. I get that as a mommy, I am responsible for teaching them the ways of the Lord and sending them off one day in hopes that they understood my love for them, and even more so, the love God has for them. However, when you are in the midst of it, it's hard to see those distant days. You only see more diaper changes, laundry, and dirty floors.

This is where you all say to me, "Heather! This is a season that will pass. You have to make time for yourself. Remember to rest. yada yada" and I agree, but I'd never noticed how little other's words meant to me until I found what did work (usually ;)). A quiet time is hard to find because when the girls do nap together, cleaning is a gateway drug. You just have to wipe that one counter, which you realize is something that spilled and is on the floor too, so you bend down to wipe that spot on the floor, only to realize that the entire floor is filthy, so you're just going to sweep, only to realize that half that stuff needs to be mopped, not swept, and it keeps going until one or both are crying, needing food, a new diaper, and lots of attention, and I never got alone with the Lord.

In comes the book of Ecclesiastes. The first chapter, second verse begins, ""Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

11 There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.

I read those words and picture myself, scrubbing floors and doing dishes and Jesus sitting at my dining room table saying, "I came to have a cup of coffee with you and see how you were doing. How's motherhood? How do you think London is adjusting to being a big sister? Are you worried about her? Is there anything you want me to do for her?" and I can't hear Him over my grumbling.

This is merely a season of my life. In that same book, in the third chapter, it says in verse one, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." It's something I'm working on; and the great Refiner is bringing out my impurities just as He says in Malachi 3:3. So I apologize to those I blow off when they talk to me about this stressful, crazy season of my life...I just have to hear it from the lips of the Lover of my soul I guess :). And now, as if clockwork, my redheaded sweet baby is slowly moving and groaning and I hear distant cries from the strange little beautiful girl down the hall. haha...at least they're on the same schedule today, right? ;)

"Me" Time

In reading through the accounts of Jesus' life written by His closest friends, I'm struck anew at how selfless He really is. All through the Gospels, we see Jesus living day in and day out constantly putting others before Himself.

There are obviously more perks than not of being the parent of a strange little beautiful 19 month old with more energy than I could get with a Starbucks in my own house, and a 24/7 velcro 4 week old that needs to be held as much as possible. However, when I let stress or exhaustion get to me, I can easily start thinking of the freedom I once had to hop in the car and run to the bank, or buy a new purse without robbing children of Christmas present money ha. The biggest thing most parents seem to miss, however, is their "me" time. I crave time where I can just sit and relax and not think about anything if I don't want to. This is so well known that even other people check on me and make sure I'm getting some down time alone to myself. I'm not knocking this at all or anyone that needs this (since I, myself, just said I crave it), however, no where in Jesus' life are we shown a time where He just wanted to hang out on a hammock, have a glass of tea, and chill. He was teaching and preaching and loving and performing miracles every day. It says He went to bed late and arose early and would seclude Himself. Even then, Jesus wasn't doing it for "me" time, He was craving time alone with His Father. Jesus so badly wanted to have as much time as possible with God alone that He sacrificed sleep and alone time to have it. I can't even imagine how drained He was physically, mentally, and emotionally. He was literally carrying the weight of the world, and yet, He knew that a quiet time would rejuvinate Him like sleep, food, and alone time could never come close to. Ahh the lessons I continue to learn and hope will sink in.