Confession: I do not really like being a full time stay at home mom.
okay, okay, I know. your reaction was probably like, "gasp!!! but Heather! You craft!" I know. You would think the pre-school teacher turned mom would be right where she's comfortable, but I'm not. Not that I want some full time job that would keep me away from them all the time, but a few hours away a few days a week makes me a better mommy. I know that in this season of my life, my calling and job is to be home with them. Not that I don't enjoy it, by any means. I love it. I just sat at a little wooden princess table and had tea and coffee (water) with some dinner (oatmeal squares) while wearing crowns (I had to borrow Story's) and I wouldn't miss that for anything.
Throughout this time when things get stressful and crazy (basically since Story was born and slowing down now), I've spent a lot of time in Ecclesiastes. God has been showing me so many things and one of the most recent things has hit my heart so hard. Many people know the "a time for everything" part of this book, but I'll post it for anyone that's forgotten :)
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
I have read this over and over the last few months at times where I felt like I was failing my family by being so stressed that I actually wanted to just get away a bit. (it's just not a warm fuzzy feeling for a mom). For awhile, God assured me that this was a season and that soon, things would feel "normal" again and we'd be able to enjoy each other and love each other without the physical exhaustion and mental numbness you have with a newborn. However, I began looking to these verses incorrectly without even realizing it. Slowly, Satan whispered God's word just a tad twisted like he's done so many times before to me and others before me (Eve is a very good example if you're looking for one). I began looking at these verses like some sort of promise that though my life is crazy now, it won't be later. That some day, my kids will be in school, I'll sleep through the night, and have date nights with my husband. Sounds lovely from the outside, but I was wishing away my little girls' youth. A couple of nights ago, I was thinking of all the gifts left to buy for family members that you haven't the first guess of what to get and things of that nature when once again, this thought was blown into my head. God finally spoke firmly to my heart telling me that with this season of craziness that leaves, as will London's cute way of saying "yuv yooo mommy" and Story's look of confusion with new things all around and the big toothless open-mouthed grin when my face comes into view in the midst of it. This season is the season of babies and milestones and cuddles in my lap b/c they're still small enough to rock to sleep. The season that I feel like I have no time to do anything because London constantly wants my attention when, one day, I'll have to beg her to come tell me things about her life. The season where I feel like I'm so behind on laundry that I'll never catch up, but also the season of clean footie pj's on little feet. sigh...sometimes, I wonder why God doesn't just throw a lightening bolt and wake me up to the life going on around me. haha
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Flawless Beauties of His
woah, two blog posts in a row?! It'll never happen again, don't worry ;).
Since I first surrendered to the calling of ministry 5 years ago, God has been teaching me more and more about women. (That could be why I was given two daughters and not sons. I need lots and lots of lessons) Of these lessons, one of the biggest has been the battles that Satan fights to ensure difficulty in women breaking free. One is men against women, quite a bit ahead of that one is women against women, but the absolute hardest battle is women against themselves.
With the genders, you're fighting insecurity, possession, jealousy, ignorance, and plain old stupidity. Women against women isn't that different except those emotions are stronger. The jealousy is stronger, the insecurity is harder, and the ignorance is the reigning one of all. Women have no idea that they have more in common with women as a whole than they'd care to believe. It's easier to "hate women" because they're "all catty, backstabbing, and crazy." When in fact, women are strong, nurturing, creative, and loving people. I promise you they are. That's even what I'll devote my life to proving.
But, then comes in the largest battle. The one that causes me, and other women devoted to God's daughters, to go head to head in a vicious spiritual battle. Women vs. themselves. You see it all over. Someone jokes with them in a way that's inappropriate or borderline offensive. A comment is made by someone or the woman about the way she looks in something while she watches all the other girls in the same clothing, and they "pull it off." These women would probably agree with you on how wrong those things are about other women. "They should never say that about Grandma!" or "That's not something that should ever come out of anyone's mouth to the pastor's wife." or "She's beautiful! I think she dresses so lovely, and she's crazy to think she's not gorgeous!" but if you turn those around on them, they'd hang their heads.
Why? Why is it worse for someone to say something almost mean in a joking way to the pastor's wife, but not about you? Why should people stand up for that young girl, but you're fine to just shake off hurtful comments? and why, oh why, do you not see how lovely you are?
One day soon, you should sit and open the book Song of Solomon and read your Beloved's letter to you. It is symbolic of Jesus' heart towards us, His church, and He feels this about you personally. Not just the pastor's wife, though her too, not just that cute passionate girl, though her too, but you. You, His flawless one.
You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. -Song of Solomon 4:7
Since I first surrendered to the calling of ministry 5 years ago, God has been teaching me more and more about women. (That could be why I was given two daughters and not sons. I need lots and lots of lessons) Of these lessons, one of the biggest has been the battles that Satan fights to ensure difficulty in women breaking free. One is men against women, quite a bit ahead of that one is women against women, but the absolute hardest battle is women against themselves.
With the genders, you're fighting insecurity, possession, jealousy, ignorance, and plain old stupidity. Women against women isn't that different except those emotions are stronger. The jealousy is stronger, the insecurity is harder, and the ignorance is the reigning one of all. Women have no idea that they have more in common with women as a whole than they'd care to believe. It's easier to "hate women" because they're "all catty, backstabbing, and crazy." When in fact, women are strong, nurturing, creative, and loving people. I promise you they are. That's even what I'll devote my life to proving.
But, then comes in the largest battle. The one that causes me, and other women devoted to God's daughters, to go head to head in a vicious spiritual battle. Women vs. themselves. You see it all over. Someone jokes with them in a way that's inappropriate or borderline offensive. A comment is made by someone or the woman about the way she looks in something while she watches all the other girls in the same clothing, and they "pull it off." These women would probably agree with you on how wrong those things are about other women. "They should never say that about Grandma!" or "That's not something that should ever come out of anyone's mouth to the pastor's wife." or "She's beautiful! I think she dresses so lovely, and she's crazy to think she's not gorgeous!" but if you turn those around on them, they'd hang their heads.
Why? Why is it worse for someone to say something almost mean in a joking way to the pastor's wife, but not about you? Why should people stand up for that young girl, but you're fine to just shake off hurtful comments? and why, oh why, do you not see how lovely you are?
One day soon, you should sit and open the book Song of Solomon and read your Beloved's letter to you. It is symbolic of Jesus' heart towards us, His church, and He feels this about you personally. Not just the pastor's wife, though her too, not just that cute passionate girl, though her too, but you. You, His flawless one.
You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. -Song of Solomon 4:7
Saturday, December 11, 2010
It's all about balance
My final final is tomorrow, and I could not be any more giddy. This semester has been so crazy for us with a wild Indian toddler, newborn, internships, and Lance's senior recital and graduation. I'm so grateful for the placement of Christmas and the break this year. Time for us to stop, regroup our thoughts and hearts, focus on God, and then look toward the future of 2011 with school (for me, not lance and I'm only a little jealous), two growing girls, and the launch of the Journey Campus for Central.
My new year's resolution will be to attempt better balance and better time management. The man of the house, as the spiritual leader, carries tons of responsibility spirituality for the family. I realize that fact more each year of marriage. However, the woman of the house carries TONS of responsibility in her activities for every second. I really wished I'd paid more attention to that lesson before now, but I'm glad I finally saw it. On days that I manage my time with a productive day where I have time to chat with God regularly, I'm less stressed and have so many more fruits of the spirit that I can lavish on my daughters and husband. When I say time management, I do not mean work myself crazy to have a spotless house and an amazing feast on the table for dinner by the time Lance comes home. In fact, being Miss Perfect Housewife is honestly a very large personal sacrifice for me. I've learned that I can not do ministry and attempt a perfect life. If I try, it only seems perfect from the outside. I do laundry and clean clean the house once a week and that is a habit I've just figured out works really well with a family busy in 24/7 roles.
But, in the last semester, if I added up the "down time" that I spent on my phone, the computer, or scrubbing my house like crazy until it sparkles, I think I would be embarrassed and ashamed. A minute here and 30 seconds there really adds up and before I know it, it's 11pm and I have two more chapters to read, I'm tired, and now I'll be really tired in the morning for the girls. yay. We all have those "guilty pleasures" that sneak into your life and take over your prayer time without us even realizing it..darn you Sudoku. ;) I just challenge all that read this and find themselves in this same season of life to look at balance in your life. Maybe you could even be my "running partner" of sorts to help me stay on track :)
My new year's resolution will be to attempt better balance and better time management. The man of the house, as the spiritual leader, carries tons of responsibility spirituality for the family. I realize that fact more each year of marriage. However, the woman of the house carries TONS of responsibility in her activities for every second. I really wished I'd paid more attention to that lesson before now, but I'm glad I finally saw it. On days that I manage my time with a productive day where I have time to chat with God regularly, I'm less stressed and have so many more fruits of the spirit that I can lavish on my daughters and husband. When I say time management, I do not mean work myself crazy to have a spotless house and an amazing feast on the table for dinner by the time Lance comes home. In fact, being Miss Perfect Housewife is honestly a very large personal sacrifice for me. I've learned that I can not do ministry and attempt a perfect life. If I try, it only seems perfect from the outside. I do laundry and clean clean the house once a week and that is a habit I've just figured out works really well with a family busy in 24/7 roles.
But, in the last semester, if I added up the "down time" that I spent on my phone, the computer, or scrubbing my house like crazy until it sparkles, I think I would be embarrassed and ashamed. A minute here and 30 seconds there really adds up and before I know it, it's 11pm and I have two more chapters to read, I'm tired, and now I'll be really tired in the morning for the girls. yay. We all have those "guilty pleasures" that sneak into your life and take over your prayer time without us even realizing it..darn you Sudoku. ;) I just challenge all that read this and find themselves in this same season of life to look at balance in your life. Maybe you could even be my "running partner" of sorts to help me stay on track :)
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