{This Moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -- Amanda Soule

Truths of motherhood

I once read a quote on a blog about motherhood that said something along the lines of "Motherhood, to me, was born 11 years ago. I say that because we were born together." It was such a profound thought for me. So often, a situation arises where I attempt to ask myself what I would do or what the thought process would have been during the days before I became pregnant with London. Before I began sharing every space I have, including myself. Before I was born into a new person and role in life. And the truth is? I can't remember. I can't remember how I handled situations, or didn't handle them...I can't remember what my thought process would be in each situation. Perhaps because there wasn't one; perhaps because it's not worth remembering. Probably both.


For some reason, motherhood wasn't something that I immediately fit the mold to. If you knew me before hand, you know why ;). To me, it seems as though motherhood was a certain mold in the beginning. It was a selfless, giving, loving mold. and I overflowed in areas and fell short in other areas. Fortunately for us all, that mold is flexible and easy to customize. The proof of that is seen in how quickly some mothers seem to get it all together. Not everything is perfect in their lives. They may not be sleeping at night..but, they understand what comes with this mold and they're okay with that. I was not that person. Not that I'm completely that person now ;).

But I don't know that I ever realized that motherhood was customizable. I never knew that this can work for my home, but I could throw that out, tweak this, mess with that, until what we had was our normal, our home, and my version of motherhood. Then, I got a new mold when I became a mother of two. (Having two is way different than one, ya know) And all of a sudden, I saw the mold. I was forced to discover it's flexibility because we weren't gonna make it any other way. Where I believed I was failing was really me discovering what was best for my little family. Through those failures, I grew into my role and soul of motherhood. I looked, really looked into the eyes of the little souls that looked up at me. For the first time, I saw the needs of my children before they could even voice them (other than it's just time for a bottle.)

I do not have it all together. In fact, that idea is a complete lie and mothers should not believe that's something that we can truly achieve or you will feel like a failure every day. What you can achieve is love. The full knowledge of what has been placed in your hands and arms. To understand that what you may see as a failure is really motherhood growing pains. That we grow as a mother just as our children grow into beings. At the end of the day, that we said in what we did, what we said, what we spoke through our being is "you are loved. completely, entirely, and just as you are." In the throes of potty training and the baby stage where they have to be bathed after every. single. meal., I find it so difficult to remember these truths. I also know a few mommas in more difficult seasons than me, and hopefully, this can stand as a reminder to us both.