I think my blog posts are getting farther and farther apart, nevertheless, a major truth hit me tonight. Nothing quite says "I'm a mother of two children under 2" quite like the worst constant back pain I remember ever having. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and in fact, I never even felt contractions in labor, but I seem to have pulled something while changing a billion diapers (exaggeration) and cleaning up hundreds of messes (not an exaggeration) over the last several weeks. In trying to solve this problem, I've had to become more observant of my posture at all times. I'm always bent over cleaning something, changing something, wiping something, or whatever. I parent bent, I think. Have you ever tried to correct your posture while in the midst of a crazy life that causes you to ruin it consistently? It's insanely difficult.
If you've read any of my posts before, you're expecting some practical Biblical truth I've found to apply to my life from something ridiculously small, and because I have so much time to ponder during 3 am feedings, I won't disappoint you. This is very much like my spiritual walk lately. Because of the hectic lifestyle we lead, I've cut corners and slacked until I walk with Jesus bent over. It's just easier to do the things I need to do with a bad attitude or judgement or just flat out for myself than to stand up straight and walk tall standing firm on the Truth and living as He's called us to live. Over time, this posture physically and spiritually has hurt me much worse than I would have thought and though it once took days of letting the posture to slip before I felt the results, I now can let it slip for 2 minutes and I immediately feel the pain that is much worse than I felt weeks ago. I've learned to live with this posture and just as difficult as it is to remember to change a diaper with a straight back, it's nearly as impossible to deal with a screaming toddler with that straight posture spiritually. This is now my nature and habit more than it was before (though I've never had fantastic posture spiritually or physically ;)) and it is taking extreme intentionality to keep a close watch on it now. I'm now spending my time taking captive every negative thought that I notice, and when I'm hurting from my lack of posture and tension, I do the same thing as I do for my back: get still, calm, and let go of that tension. I let go of the stress, let go of my insistence that if I stop for one second that my entire house will fall a part, and I let go of every other thing I'm carrying around that's causing me to bend. Work in Progress....for certain.
