Clouds

March 10, 2010
I don't know if other people have experienced what I have been going through. I'm sure they have, but it's not something we probably offer up in conversations. Lately, I feel like when I pray to God, out loud, in my heart, on paper, whatever, I'm talking to myself. No one wants to admit that they're distanced from God, but it's what sin will do. I know that several groups of ladies in our church are currently doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free study, and let me just say, it's kicking my bottom for lack of better words. I don't know that I've ever felt more spiritually overwhelmed, more oppressed, or more scared as to how I will have time to fix ALL these issues at one time. I feel like it will take years! For a couple weeks, I had fallen a few times here and there into Satan's lies and lost hope that God could get me out of all these issues. Generational sin, bitterness from long ago, slander, the list just kept coming with every day of homework and every quiet time.
As this silence from God came over me, I felt covered in a dark cloud. So, being the resourceful procrastinator that I am, instead of doing homework for my Modern American Literature class, I went to biblegateway.com and searched cloud. I love topic Bible studies and I'm so grateful for God's word. I was brought to 153 verses that include the word cloud, but nothing pierced my heart like Genesis 9:14-15 "Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life." Of course, in context, God is speaking to Noah and promising that He will never flood the earth to destroy it again, but to me, He is saying clouds will come down on you, but if you'll look into that cloud, you'll see My promises and the hope that I offer you. I will not destroy you because I have plans for you that will prosper you, not harm you. How silly of me to take the bait of Satan and think my problems are too big for my God? How silly to think God will pull away from me and let the waters of my sin and my tribulations rise and not rescue me before I drown? Thank God that we can put our hope in Jesus and lean on His understanding. I just wanted to share a painful struggle I've been having and I'm still having, in case God is working through the other studies or completely different ones and this verse may help remember His promises. Standing on the promises, right? Even if you can't currently hear or see anything but darkness.

"But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." Psalm 39:7