I've always heard the phrase, "I want to be the person my dog things I am." It's not really something someone actually says, more like a bumper sticker or magnet for the refrigerator. I've been reminded of it recently while I watch S grow and become less of a newborn baby and more of an active older baby. We joke here about how the dada sounds come out of babies mouth when they're happy and playing, while the mama sounds are their unhappy and fussy noises. She seems to believe those mama noises get attention faster, and they do.
When she's hungry or upset, or is stuck or hurting, she cries and looks me straight in the eye. L was never like that. There was always this desperation and, of course, dramatic flair to her that said, "I may never get out of this again. I will probably starve right here in my swing and die, never learning to walk." (meet her and you won't think that's exaggerated ;)) She cried out of a desperation for SOMEONE, anyone to help her. S looks to me. She has me figured out as her provider and protector. She never doubts, only getting extremely angry if I drag my feet in meeting her needs.
I want so badly to be the person she believes me to be. I want her to grow up always knowing me to be dependable and helpful, without being obtrusive. I want her to learn to walk with my guidance knowing the entire time that my arms are close if she falls. My daughters have given me higher standards to meet than I think I would have ever set for myself without them. I love how different they both are, and that they challenge me in completely different ways to be a better mother. It's so energizing and challenging to be believed in, even if that person wears a tiny little diaper that you have to change and, at times, slobbers on your favorite shirt.
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