Because of some recent craziness in our house, I've been thinking on value as of late. Where it can be found. What determines it. My head has always said that value is determined in small things, but I don't know that my heart thought much on it until recently. However, as I've been looking for my value, I believe I have discovered just where it resides.
Today is a pretty typical day. It's not quite 3pm and the girls are napping. London fought sleep quite viciously, but finally surrendered. I washed a load of clothes that had a disposable diaper in them, and therefore, washed the load three times now. (Salt, by the way. Run them again with only salt sprinkled into the machine instead of detergent. who knew?)
I've cooked a whole chicken with some veggies mixed in, deboned it, and used the broth from it for some homemade soup. I've painted half of Story's room with primer. I've taken a long bath. blah blah blah.
As I stood at the sink wiping it down, I stared out the window. (I recently took the mini blinds down so we only have curtains so that I can see up into the tree and sky while I stand there.)
I noticed a chubby squirrel digging in the yard, looking for a treasure he buried back when food was plentiful with a watchful eye toward our backdoor, just in case our Westie came running full speed at him again. He found his nut, then ran up the tree and laid across a few twigs on a branch right in front of my window to cover himself with his tail and eat his find.
And I thought...there's my value in today. It's not a list of things I do, whether long or short. It's not a paycheck brought home, or bills that come in. It's not the size, appearance, or cleanliness of your home. It's not what you do while constantly on the go. It's what you do when you stop. ...and if you stop.
My day is not good because it is productive. My day is good because of moments God gives to glimpse Him in His creation. It's little feet in footed pj's dangling from a sleepy toddler as you hold them and sway and hum, attempting to coax them back to sleep. It's simple statements from preschoolers that simply tell you, "you're doing a good job."
It's a moment saturated with radiating, never ending love from a Father. Value is found in understanding that this world is not only about Him, and not you, but that it is fleeting. This season will not last, and neither will these troubles. But neither will these sweet moments. So, which will we focus on? The fleeting stress and anxiety? Or, the fleeting moments of trees losing the very last of this years' leaves and opportunities to greet or compliment a stranger? Tis the season, you know. ;)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Strength in my hope for the future
The "not of the world, but in the world" Christian mentality has always been easy for me in ways. The Spirit within me has always had a pretty bold fight against many mentalities our world and culture sends us, which is great, except that does leave me friendless many of my days. The one mentality I've always seemed to struggle with the most, however, is the instant gratification.
Our culture has raised us to believe that not only do we need better, we DESERVE better, and we deserve better right this second. Books took too long, then newspapers took too long. Next to fall was the even more brief Internet article. Now, your message to me must be 140 characters or less, or I'm moving on. I'm bored. I'm impatient. I'm done.
Temporary isn't always best, but we think it is if it means instant.
Where this hurts the most? Parenting. Motherhood. I can see from my view as a few years into the mix, but still quite the rookie, why so many mothers and fathers start out with motivation and joy in parenthood, but soon feel defeated and give up. The idea that you must spend 2 to 5 years investing your time, your money, your heart, and yourself into something before you see the rewards come to fruitation is beyond our comprehension.
Not that you aren't rewarded 1000 times a day, but it takes awhile to be rewarded by seeing them and not a mirror.
Recently, we had our first trip to the Emergency Room. It was pretty traumatic for London and I both, but it was a major milestone in motherhood for me. For the last few weeks, she has been transitioning out of that beloved toddler stage to the preschooler one, so you can just BE with her more without entertaining or distracting constantly. I've always known she was my silly but serious child. I know how she will respond and react. I knew that though she would still be scared and in pain, she would calm if we only got her cleaned up and all the blood washed away. I knew that I would have to be gentle, firm, and specific about all the details about going to the doctor to get her boo-boo fixed. I knew I had to be sensitive. Oh, so sensitive for our sensitive girl. But, I did not know one thing.
I never knew how strong London had become.
Oh sure, she's been strong before, but it was always a strength she drew from me, or her daddy, or even a blanket. She wasn't as strong as she was comforted. But this time, she was strong, in her own, on her own. She still needed me, of course. I held her the whole time. I hugged her while they gave her the shot (that took FOREVER.) I hummed and sang to her right after it happened while I put pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding and have a look. But, she was strong. She is strong.
From the time I found out I was expecting her, it has been almost 3.5 years. I have poured out myself again and again, laying there at night or nap time completely empty and begging my Father for more. For more joy, for more patience, for more self-control, and love, and faith, and and and and. And He always gave them to me. I saw them as well that night. I saw my joy in my little girl seeing other people helping her and her trust deepening. I saw my self-control in restraining my emotions when all I wanted to do was cry and panic, but she needed calm and support.
I'm so proud of who she is becoming, and I'm that much more motivated to continue pouring all I know and have of Him into her. That strength and calm we saw in her that night were hers, but taught by us. And that should be motivation for any parent or teacher, even if that child doesn't come home with you at night.
Our culture has raised us to believe that not only do we need better, we DESERVE better, and we deserve better right this second. Books took too long, then newspapers took too long. Next to fall was the even more brief Internet article. Now, your message to me must be 140 characters or less, or I'm moving on. I'm bored. I'm impatient. I'm done.
Temporary isn't always best, but we think it is if it means instant.
Where this hurts the most? Parenting. Motherhood. I can see from my view as a few years into the mix, but still quite the rookie, why so many mothers and fathers start out with motivation and joy in parenthood, but soon feel defeated and give up. The idea that you must spend 2 to 5 years investing your time, your money, your heart, and yourself into something before you see the rewards come to fruitation is beyond our comprehension.
Not that you aren't rewarded 1000 times a day, but it takes awhile to be rewarded by seeing them and not a mirror.
Recently, we had our first trip to the Emergency Room. It was pretty traumatic for London and I both, but it was a major milestone in motherhood for me. For the last few weeks, she has been transitioning out of that beloved toddler stage to the preschooler one, so you can just BE with her more without entertaining or distracting constantly. I've always known she was my silly but serious child. I know how she will respond and react. I knew that though she would still be scared and in pain, she would calm if we only got her cleaned up and all the blood washed away. I knew that I would have to be gentle, firm, and specific about all the details about going to the doctor to get her boo-boo fixed. I knew I had to be sensitive. Oh, so sensitive for our sensitive girl. But, I did not know one thing.
I never knew how strong London had become.
Oh sure, she's been strong before, but it was always a strength she drew from me, or her daddy, or even a blanket. She wasn't as strong as she was comforted. But this time, she was strong, in her own, on her own. She still needed me, of course. I held her the whole time. I hugged her while they gave her the shot (that took FOREVER.) I hummed and sang to her right after it happened while I put pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding and have a look. But, she was strong. She is strong.
From the time I found out I was expecting her, it has been almost 3.5 years. I have poured out myself again and again, laying there at night or nap time completely empty and begging my Father for more. For more joy, for more patience, for more self-control, and love, and faith, and and and and. And He always gave them to me. I saw them as well that night. I saw my joy in my little girl seeing other people helping her and her trust deepening. I saw my self-control in restraining my emotions when all I wanted to do was cry and panic, but she needed calm and support.
I'm so proud of who she is becoming, and I'm that much more motivated to continue pouring all I know and have of Him into her. That strength and calm we saw in her that night were hers, but taught by us. And that should be motivation for any parent or teacher, even if that child doesn't come home with you at night.
Friday, October 28, 2011
{This Moment}
{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
Friday, October 7, 2011
An October day...
I could live out my life inside of an October day. Granted, ours lately have felt more like September or even August, but I have decidedly turned a blind eye to this last gust of summer from mother nature and begin my wind down now. I love the slow stillness we all eventually must step into that comes with the falling of the leaves.
Summer is so full of life. It's fast and passionate with extremes on every side. It's extremely hot, extremely rainy, extremely long, loud, or all of the above. Little feet run hard with not much left for anything but sleeping by the end of the day.
In the fall, that begins to slow. We wake up and spend the day outdoors while the little ones discover new things each day from the yard they thought they knew. For myself, I've already picked out my spot from which I shall watch this season pass. A porch swing tucked under a red maple tree on my back patio.
In each season, I feel compelled to participate, except this one. In the winter, I have a need to craft and create. In the spring, to grow things and clean and make new. In the summer, to play and be crazy. But...in the autumn, I feel an innate desire to simply watch. And I do. From my porch swing, I watch as the leaves over my head turn a little more red each day. The plum mums beside me open their buds a little more, grasping for the little bit of the slanting sun that the tree and house allotted them. Little ones get better each day at walking, running, climbing.
Sometimes, someone sits beside me and watches as well. At times, it's a friend, Lance, or a loved family member, but usually it's a little one coming to rest awhile and swing with mama. Eventually, they all get down and go on their way, but I still watch. Laundry can wait until nap time. For now, I am watching my hope for the future simply be kids in a time of no worry or difficulty.
Summer is so full of life. It's fast and passionate with extremes on every side. It's extremely hot, extremely rainy, extremely long, loud, or all of the above. Little feet run hard with not much left for anything but sleeping by the end of the day.
In the fall, that begins to slow. We wake up and spend the day outdoors while the little ones discover new things each day from the yard they thought they knew. For myself, I've already picked out my spot from which I shall watch this season pass. A porch swing tucked under a red maple tree on my back patio.
In each season, I feel compelled to participate, except this one. In the winter, I have a need to craft and create. In the spring, to grow things and clean and make new. In the summer, to play and be crazy. But...in the autumn, I feel an innate desire to simply watch. And I do. From my porch swing, I watch as the leaves over my head turn a little more red each day. The plum mums beside me open their buds a little more, grasping for the little bit of the slanting sun that the tree and house allotted them. Little ones get better each day at walking, running, climbing.
Sometimes, someone sits beside me and watches as well. At times, it's a friend, Lance, or a loved family member, but usually it's a little one coming to rest awhile and swing with mama. Eventually, they all get down and go on their way, but I still watch. Laundry can wait until nap time. For now, I am watching my hope for the future simply be kids in a time of no worry or difficulty.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Simply Ten in October
A list of simply ten. Ten things of the here and now to help live in the moment and be grateful for it.
Cool mornings.
Mums sitting on my patio.
A porch swing.
Sisters.
Big hats on little heads.
Children that dance.
Coffee that tastes good, even after being reheated a dozen times.
Golden leaves in morning sun.
A moment of quiet in all the noise.
The word alone, October.
Can you think of ten?
Cool mornings.
Mums sitting on my patio.
A porch swing.
Sisters.
Big hats on little heads.
Children that dance.
Coffee that tastes good, even after being reheated a dozen times.
Golden leaves in morning sun.
A moment of quiet in all the noise.
The word alone, October.
Can you think of ten?
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Giving compliments
As I was leaving class today and walking through the building, I kept seeing so many women I just wanted to compliment. A Hispanic woman that sits in front of me that is seriously beautiful, even when she has on zero make up and her hair in a ponytail. A beautiful African American girl a few rows over that has the most perfect complexion I've seen outside of photoshop and dresses so cute every single class. A woman that had great shoes, another girl with a warming smile, and so on. This mentality is one that was accidentally, purposely ingrained into myself. If that makes sense.
Several years ago, I had to go to Walmart for something during peak crazy holiday shopping hours. I was, obviously, NOT looking forward to it and almost changed my mind while sitting in my car, until I decided that I would go. I came up with the idea of going in for two things, what I wanted to buy (that I can't even remember now) and to compliment one woman. The purchase, I remember no details from, but the compliment I do. It was easy. I was checking out, and the girl checking me had her name tag on with one of the prettiest names, Ebony. I love it. I remember the way her eyes lit up at a random compliment from a stranger on a day that I'm certain she would have preferred not to be working.
As I left the store, I thought about how different my mentality had been the entire time I was in the store compared to what it would have been. It's hard to get annoyed with people when all you have on your mind is finding good in people. From then on, I would get out of my car with a number. I wanted to compliment 3 women...and not just to gain the number...it had to be a legitimate compliment that I truly meant. Eventually, it just became habit.
Such a small thing not only formed in me to see more good in people, but it also make me get out of my shell a little. I'm really not comfortable talking with strangers and I've never been a great encourager, but there's something that puts you and another person in a good mood when lifting them up.
My favorite part of it? Though I never had the purpose of complimenting women to rub off on my children, and in fact...I thought they were too young, it has. We can't go to a store without London complimenting every. single. woman. she sees. I love it. And she means it. It helps that the girl loves color, sparkly, and accessories, so she ooo's and ahh's over dresses, headbands, wedding rings, whatever.
This is such a random post, but it has been such a blessing in my life that I thought I may as well share. :)
Several years ago, I had to go to Walmart for something during peak crazy holiday shopping hours. I was, obviously, NOT looking forward to it and almost changed my mind while sitting in my car, until I decided that I would go. I came up with the idea of going in for two things, what I wanted to buy (that I can't even remember now) and to compliment one woman. The purchase, I remember no details from, but the compliment I do. It was easy. I was checking out, and the girl checking me had her name tag on with one of the prettiest names, Ebony. I love it. I remember the way her eyes lit up at a random compliment from a stranger on a day that I'm certain she would have preferred not to be working.
As I left the store, I thought about how different my mentality had been the entire time I was in the store compared to what it would have been. It's hard to get annoyed with people when all you have on your mind is finding good in people. From then on, I would get out of my car with a number. I wanted to compliment 3 women...and not just to gain the number...it had to be a legitimate compliment that I truly meant. Eventually, it just became habit.
Such a small thing not only formed in me to see more good in people, but it also make me get out of my shell a little. I'm really not comfortable talking with strangers and I've never been a great encourager, but there's something that puts you and another person in a good mood when lifting them up.
My favorite part of it? Though I never had the purpose of complimenting women to rub off on my children, and in fact...I thought they were too young, it has. We can't go to a store without London complimenting every. single. woman. she sees. I love it. And she means it. It helps that the girl loves color, sparkly, and accessories, so she ooo's and ahh's over dresses, headbands, wedding rings, whatever.
This is such a random post, but it has been such a blessing in my life that I thought I may as well share. :)
Sunday, September 25, 2011
motor mouth
Do you ever just get tired of yourself? I'm not even kidding, y'all. Lately, the thought keeps coming to mind, "...I have NO idea why people keep asking me to hang out! I have zero self control over my mouth." Lance and I both have this sincere urge to be that person in the room that hardly talks, but when they do, you listen because it's always good. He does very well in public with it, then talks up a storm at home. I'm the opposite. I seem to able to control my tongue and discern an attitude or situation before speaking at home, and...not so much in public. Part of it may be because at home, pretty much all my time is spent speaking to people that can either not understand what I'm saying, or isn't listening anyway.
Words are very important to me. I mean what I say, and I hold others to the same...but you would never know that by the amount of chatting away I do, whether harmless chit chat, or words I regret because of a lack of discernment in using my words. I don't have a lot of extra time for much, especially people not related to me, and I would love it if I spent those moments in lifting up others, glorifying my Lord, and finding out more about them and their needs than talking. For more than a year now, the Spirit has been showing me this in my life and I leave almost every single conversation with others thinking, "I wish so badly I'd just been quieter." My lack of self control has not been getting that much better, since I still don't hear the Spirit until I've left the conversation (hard to hear over your constant chatter haha), but I'm still determined to work on it. In fact, I'm rambling on this post because I've decided this will be a serious prayer focus from this point on. Let's hope for the sake of my friends, children, and His name, it'll be a fast transition ;).
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in QUIETNESS and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
Isaiah 30:15
Words are very important to me. I mean what I say, and I hold others to the same...but you would never know that by the amount of chatting away I do, whether harmless chit chat, or words I regret because of a lack of discernment in using my words. I don't have a lot of extra time for much, especially people not related to me, and I would love it if I spent those moments in lifting up others, glorifying my Lord, and finding out more about them and their needs than talking. For more than a year now, the Spirit has been showing me this in my life and I leave almost every single conversation with others thinking, "I wish so badly I'd just been quieter." My lack of self control has not been getting that much better, since I still don't hear the Spirit until I've left the conversation (hard to hear over your constant chatter haha), but I'm still determined to work on it. In fact, I'm rambling on this post because I've decided this will be a serious prayer focus from this point on. Let's hope for the sake of my friends, children, and His name, it'll be a fast transition ;).
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in QUIETNESS and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
Isaiah 30:15
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