I've been mulling over some ponderings in my head as of late on the topic of motherhood. I follow a lot of blogs. many. many blogs. Most are craft blogs, and some are writings. There is one in particular of a mother with several children. Her blog makes you want to sit at her kitchen table in the morning and share a cup of coffee while kids run in and out and muffins bake. Her house seems calm, serene, but mostly, filled with love. A love of motherhood and nurturing that I want so badly that I can't even stand it. It is a rite of passage to her that has created her a new being that is more important than the one she had before. She soaks in time with her children like I soak in alone time, and I want what she has. Out of all my many blogs, she inspires me the most. Here's the kicker, this woman is the only mother that I follow that is not a Christian. oops. We are messing up here. Let me reiterate this again, out of more than a dozen women (all of which are amazing women, don't get me wrong!) the one that sharpens me and challenges me in more ways than she'd ever guess, does not have the Holy Spirit.
I've been trying to figure this out for weeks now, and I still do not have it figured out completely. Part of it, I think is the programming. I am not programmed to wake up with the one unspoken goal to achieve again and again each day of speaking "I love you" into my children in more ways than just verbally. I'm programmed to survive. I don't know when that programming began. I don't even know how long it lay dormant. I just know it's there.
Part is the words spoken into us. What do we hear when pregnant or a new mother? "If you're uncomfortable now, wait until labor." "Eh, by the time you're in labor, you won't care. You'll just be in so much pain that nothing will matter." "You think you don't get sleep now wait until you're wondering where they're at all night." Negatives. What about things like, "pregnancy is rough, but I loved the part of wondering what they'll look like, and who they would one day become." "Labor isn't exactly the most fun of your life, but it's the very beginning of a life. A time when God's promises and miracles are actively taking place, and His presence covers the room while waiting to speak NOW and your baby is born." "Teenage years can be crazy, but Proverbs 31 tells us a Godly woman looks to the future and smiles, not dreads. Imagine how beautiful your teenage daughter will be as she learns who she is during that time." Where are those comments? Young mothers need encouragement. We need Truth.
Then, of course, comes the question of, am I that mother? Do I speak those comments? Of course not. I'm the first kind of mother. I live in chaos. It's the name of my blog! But...God brings order from chaos. And...after all, I do have the Holy Spirit.
We juggle so much. We try to do it all and keep a billion priorities and then battle to keep our families at least high on the list. I don't know what my steps of action will be to shaping my soul will be yet, but they will come. Until then, I'll remain in thoughtful prayer. I wonder if I'm completely alone in this season, but that's okay if I am. I suppose pits are easier to leave when you don't have a roommate anyway. ;) Reprogramming will have to begin, of course. And the list of things being juggled will be cut down drastically. I'll make a serious effort even more to surround myself with women that sharpen me and that leave me when a little more love. Don't you love being around those people? The ones that you leave their house feeling a little more love for your husband and being a wife. A little more love for your children and your role as their mother. A little more love for your family and that you're a sister/daughter/aunt/niece. I've always fought to be around those people...I've just never asked myself if I was one of them.
...just some pondering...mulling around in my head. London's memory verse (probably for the summer) is Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what He did for me. Psalm 66:16. This is now the new song of my heart. I want first for Him to make me the new creation and new mother, and then to pass that along to others, particularly those young mothers. If you got all the way to the end of this rambling, congrats :) I wish we could sit and have coffee while kids run and muffins bake, because if you're still reading, you're probably in this season too ;). haha
Showing posts with label quiet time lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quiet time lessons. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Freedom Found
Last night before bed, I was reading through Ecclesiastes and had a sudden urge to jump over to Isaiah. My heart landed on chapter 52 and for the billionth time, my eyes and heart fell upon verses 1 and 2. I even had to spread their beautiful message to a few close friends of mine on Facebook and then decided to spread their beauty here as well.
The big secret behind this blog is that I'm a writer that, at times, masquerades as someone creative or (more often) someone that makes a pretty cute copy of something I've seen in other places. Each time I start to forget my love for words, I read God's Word and remember that my Father is also a poet. I'll prove it :). After speaking of the judgement that will come upon Israel, God uses this image to prophecy of their return to Him.
Awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself in strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem the Holy City. The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again. Shake off your dust, rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains around your neck, O Captive Daughter of Zion. Isaiah 52:1-2
The image is this woman. She's dirty, she's lost all hope, the chains around her neck are uncomfortable, and she's been defiled. Yet, here comes a messenger. I imagine she would be curious about him and probably immediately distrust him thinking he was the same as her oppressors. Yet, here he comes with Good News and a message of hope and strength. He tells her to wake up! He tells her to clothe herself in strength and gives her the promise that her slavery is over and will not happen again. I also imagine pauses between his next commands, waiting for her to fully comprehend each. He gives her the power needed to break that chain she's been trying to find a way out of for who knows how long and calls her Daughter of Zion. Child of God. A heavenly princess and heir in her own right because of her holy heritage.
Each time I read this, images of women I've come across whether in person or through media fly through my head. I see girls sitting in college classrooms or celebrities on the cover of tabloids. Mothers in grocery stores with longer lists than their wallets can afford. I see little girls wanting to know the truth but no one telling them. And through all those, I want to be that messenger. I, selfishly, want to be the one that comes over the hill, looks into their distrustful eyes, and speaks joy and Truth to them. I want to wipe away the tears and say, "yes, indeed, it's true. I was once chained and alone too." Don't you? Shouldn't all Daughters of Zion want to find our sisters, wherever they may be imprisoned, and run to them. To throw them the key that will unlock the hurt forever? I do, and I'm so grateful for a God that gives women images to look to, knowing us intimately and, therefore, knowing we need it spelled out in ways that mean "me too" not just others.
The big secret behind this blog is that I'm a writer that, at times, masquerades as someone creative or (more often) someone that makes a pretty cute copy of something I've seen in other places. Each time I start to forget my love for words, I read God's Word and remember that my Father is also a poet. I'll prove it :). After speaking of the judgement that will come upon Israel, God uses this image to prophecy of their return to Him.
Awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself in strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem the Holy City. The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again. Shake off your dust, rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains around your neck, O Captive Daughter of Zion. Isaiah 52:1-2
The image is this woman. She's dirty, she's lost all hope, the chains around her neck are uncomfortable, and she's been defiled. Yet, here comes a messenger. I imagine she would be curious about him and probably immediately distrust him thinking he was the same as her oppressors. Yet, here he comes with Good News and a message of hope and strength. He tells her to wake up! He tells her to clothe herself in strength and gives her the promise that her slavery is over and will not happen again. I also imagine pauses between his next commands, waiting for her to fully comprehend each. He gives her the power needed to break that chain she's been trying to find a way out of for who knows how long and calls her Daughter of Zion. Child of God. A heavenly princess and heir in her own right because of her holy heritage.
Each time I read this, images of women I've come across whether in person or through media fly through my head. I see girls sitting in college classrooms or celebrities on the cover of tabloids. Mothers in grocery stores with longer lists than their wallets can afford. I see little girls wanting to know the truth but no one telling them. And through all those, I want to be that messenger. I, selfishly, want to be the one that comes over the hill, looks into their distrustful eyes, and speaks joy and Truth to them. I want to wipe away the tears and say, "yes, indeed, it's true. I was once chained and alone too." Don't you? Shouldn't all Daughters of Zion want to find our sisters, wherever they may be imprisoned, and run to them. To throw them the key that will unlock the hurt forever? I do, and I'm so grateful for a God that gives women images to look to, knowing us intimately and, therefore, knowing we need it spelled out in ways that mean "me too" not just others.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
A Marriage of Two
Over and over, I'm reminded in little ways how much I like convenience. I like to craft, but I'll hot glue anything that I can instead of sewing. I'll spray paint before actually pulling out a brush. I love mochas, but I would much prefer one someone else made me, even though I have the ability to make one at home. Part of it is our culture and time we live in. Yes, email is easier than mail. Yes, phone calls are easier than email. Yes, text is even easier than that phone call, and I can do them all on my phone. My camera is there, my internet is there, calendar...even my grocery list.
Part of it, also, is our human nature. The Bible repeatedly shows us the lives of people that want the easy way out of things, and though I didn't make the final cut to be in the Bible, I'm just as guilty as all those within its pages. I would love it if I could just be obedient without having to have my heart in the right place half the time. On my own, I'm very much a Pharisee. I could easily live a legalistic life, doing what's "right" but not always having the most pure motives. I would love it if I could simply read my Bible enough and stay magically in love with Jesus. But He asks for more. He wants my heart, my devotion, and love. I love that the Bible constantly compares our life with Christ to a marriage. It makes it much easier for me to understand. Lance would never be satisfied with a half hearted marriage and neither would I. He could come home and help with the girls, do some housework, provide for our family, but never have a real connection with me and I'd be devastated. He would never woo me or show me love and romance and devotion, and I'd step back and live in a haze. I'd work and work making things special at home so he'd want to be here, do little things so he knows I'm thinking of him, and go out of my way over and over, and the entire time, he does all the dutiful good husband things but our relationship is empty.
Spring is coming. God knows how fickle we are. He knows that though snow and ice is a marvel and an overcast sky has such beauty, that we get bored and annoyed. So, He brings spring. He shows us a world wide example of rebirth and resurrection. But, we would get tired of that too. The rains are too much and we get ready for something else (never mind that spring lasts less than a few months.) So, summer, beautiful colors, bright sunshine, and the animals all come out. Of course, that's too hot, and we don't have enough rain, and yada yada. He's effortlessly moving the universe to glorify Him and praise His name, not ours and so...we aren't that interested sometimes. How hard it is to remember we were not created first. That this world isn't about us...and that there is never just one person in a marriage. This conviction comes from the depths of my soul, but I hope maybe in me confessing my issues of selfishness and hatred of summer ;), that someone else can relate and find Him a little easier.
Part of it, also, is our human nature. The Bible repeatedly shows us the lives of people that want the easy way out of things, and though I didn't make the final cut to be in the Bible, I'm just as guilty as all those within its pages. I would love it if I could just be obedient without having to have my heart in the right place half the time. On my own, I'm very much a Pharisee. I could easily live a legalistic life, doing what's "right" but not always having the most pure motives. I would love it if I could simply read my Bible enough and stay magically in love with Jesus. But He asks for more. He wants my heart, my devotion, and love. I love that the Bible constantly compares our life with Christ to a marriage. It makes it much easier for me to understand. Lance would never be satisfied with a half hearted marriage and neither would I. He could come home and help with the girls, do some housework, provide for our family, but never have a real connection with me and I'd be devastated. He would never woo me or show me love and romance and devotion, and I'd step back and live in a haze. I'd work and work making things special at home so he'd want to be here, do little things so he knows I'm thinking of him, and go out of my way over and over, and the entire time, he does all the dutiful good husband things but our relationship is empty.
Spring is coming. God knows how fickle we are. He knows that though snow and ice is a marvel and an overcast sky has such beauty, that we get bored and annoyed. So, He brings spring. He shows us a world wide example of rebirth and resurrection. But, we would get tired of that too. The rains are too much and we get ready for something else (never mind that spring lasts less than a few months.) So, summer, beautiful colors, bright sunshine, and the animals all come out. Of course, that's too hot, and we don't have enough rain, and yada yada. He's effortlessly moving the universe to glorify Him and praise His name, not ours and so...we aren't that interested sometimes. How hard it is to remember we were not created first. That this world isn't about us...and that there is never just one person in a marriage. This conviction comes from the depths of my soul, but I hope maybe in me confessing my issues of selfishness and hatred of summer ;), that someone else can relate and find Him a little easier.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
seek Me and live
Recently, I've been heavily examining my heart and the same lesson has been whispered softly into my heart, then blown loudly into my ears, and back to softly. He knows what it takes to get my attention ;). But that lesson has been that though He did intend on my season of heavy involvement in leadership and being a role model to other young women, that season is over and what is ahead of me is a season of heavy involvement in leading the hearts of two ladies in particular and being their role model. In this transition time, I've been quite confused and when trying to do both, I've lost patience and failed repeatedly, but that reason was also given to me: I can't do both. Not right now. A few writings from Oswald Chambers have struck my heart so powerfully that I've sat in shock, been taken aback, and re-surrendered to my calling. I'm daily poured out and exhausted for the sake of others, but I assure you, it's very very rarely a willing pouring or exhaustion.
It's so like God to give me a certain verse from one book at a time to show me one thing, and then a year later, give me another verse from a different book with the same topic to show me my next step. This time last year, when trying to decide how possible a busy life would even be with a new baby on the way and toddler, God drew me to Leviticus (yes, I'm Type A and find my well springs in books like Leviticus) to verse 5:11, "If, however, they cannot afford two doves or two young pigeons, they are to bring as an offering for their sin a tenth of an ephah of the finest flour for a sin offering. They must not put olive oil or incense on it, because it is a sin offering."
It had just been talking about offering a lamb or bull or other large and expensive animals, but then said this. And God spoke to my heart and acknowledged that in time and service, I would, indeed, have less to offer, but that in the end, it would be the same as those that had much to offer. Then, when I began to feel uncomfortable this last month or two, He drew me to several passages and most recently to Hosea 6. (Don't you just love Hosea?) In verse 6 from the New Living Translation, it says, "I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know Me, more than I want burnt offerings." sigh...I just love Him and how He knows just what to say :). I've been feeling like I've been offering up my children and their time while I serve others and not even making quality time with Him a priority and there, just as simple as that, He gives me my answer. There's nothing He doesn't know the answer to, and that, for this know it all girl, is such a refreshing and relieving thing. What can you take to Him? Through His word, you'll always always find what you're looking for. Amos 5:4 says, "This is what the Lord says to Israel, 'Seek me and live'" Live. Not drown. Not go crazy. Not hide in your room hoping when you come back out, things will magically be easier to deal with. Live.
It's so like God to give me a certain verse from one book at a time to show me one thing, and then a year later, give me another verse from a different book with the same topic to show me my next step. This time last year, when trying to decide how possible a busy life would even be with a new baby on the way and toddler, God drew me to Leviticus (yes, I'm Type A and find my well springs in books like Leviticus) to verse 5:11, "If, however, they cannot afford two doves or two young pigeons, they are to bring as an offering for their sin a tenth of an ephah of the finest flour for a sin offering. They must not put olive oil or incense on it, because it is a sin offering."
It had just been talking about offering a lamb or bull or other large and expensive animals, but then said this. And God spoke to my heart and acknowledged that in time and service, I would, indeed, have less to offer, but that in the end, it would be the same as those that had much to offer. Then, when I began to feel uncomfortable this last month or two, He drew me to several passages and most recently to Hosea 6. (Don't you just love Hosea?) In verse 6 from the New Living Translation, it says, "I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know Me, more than I want burnt offerings." sigh...I just love Him and how He knows just what to say :). I've been feeling like I've been offering up my children and their time while I serve others and not even making quality time with Him a priority and there, just as simple as that, He gives me my answer. There's nothing He doesn't know the answer to, and that, for this know it all girl, is such a refreshing and relieving thing. What can you take to Him? Through His word, you'll always always find what you're looking for. Amos 5:4 says, "This is what the Lord says to Israel, 'Seek me and live'" Live. Not drown. Not go crazy. Not hide in your room hoping when you come back out, things will magically be easier to deal with. Live.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Learning lessons through sickness
The last week at my house has been...crazy. The stomach bug took over, first with London, then Story, and lastly, Lance. Luckily, (or unfortunately, however I choose to look at it at the moment ;)) I didn't catch it. (I have an overactive immune system it seems..) So, I was nurse. The problem with London getting it first meant that she was down and calm and sick for several days, and then, all that energy seemed to burst out when she got better. This meant that as a tiny, pitiful 4.5 month old got very very sick, the not quite 2 year old was bouncing off walls and acting out in every way possible to get some attention back on herself (don't really blame her.) Then, Lance got sick. Honestly, two and a half days of Lance home with no meetings, work, or practice for either one of us? Sick or not, I'll take it!
So today, he was better, but the virus still clinging a tiny bit, so he stayed home to save innocent bystanders from germs. By 4 pm, he sat down in the recliner and announced he was exhausted. I remember his words perfectly, "Your job is exhausting! I have this overwhelming urge to just SIT!" :) precisely, my dear. and there were two of us and two of them. We were playing man to man! I usually play zone defense with him gone. Not that I don't love my children or being a (kind of) stay at home mom; I do, but seeing him collapse by 4 pm with a full evening ahead of us made me fully realize where my own difficulties lay.
By the time the house is picked up, dinner is served and cleaned up, the kids are FINALLY in bed (and asleep), I just want to fall into a pile of mush and do nothing at all productive. I fight the urge to mindlessly scroll through facebook or twitter or blogs. I don't want to think, I don't want to do homework (which, I'm behind on now that I think about it), and I definitely never WANT to pray or read my Bible. Honestly, I want to be entertained. I'm taking part in Beth Moore's LPM Siesta Scripture Memory (you can still join too!) and my latest verse was "But she who gives herself in wanton pleasure is dead, even while she lives." 1 Tim 5:6 NASB.
It's so easy to get caught up in entertainment. A show, a website, a phone. You sit down because you're exhausted, mentally or physically (or both!) and before you know it, you're going to bed just as empty and exhausted as when you sat down. Through this week, I've learned a little more on that lesson I've been trying to learn: I can sit down and do nothing but be slightly (and if we're talking about facebook, even less than slightly) entertained and then go to bed with zero spiritual fruits and a bad attitude, then wake up in the exact same state. OR, I could sit down to talk with my creator. The One that knows me in and out and knows how far I've been pushed that day. I can listen as He whispers to me and reminds me of His promises for me and my marriage and my children. I can readjust my mind and heart, and then go to bed with so much love in me for Him and Lance and the girls that it's spilling over and I can't wait until tomorrow instead of dreading it. Remember the proverbs 31 woman? "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." Proverbs 31:25
I want so badly to smile toward the future, knowing that I will handle it with strength and dignity with Him as my strength. I don't want to think tomorrow will be crazy because of sickness or meetings or Lance gone a lot and dread it. I don't want to think, "they'll be 15 and 16 on day and may be fighting every second." I want to look forward to watching them blossom into beautiful women of God, raised knowing the love of the One that made them beautiful. Don't you?
So today, he was better, but the virus still clinging a tiny bit, so he stayed home to save innocent bystanders from germs. By 4 pm, he sat down in the recliner and announced he was exhausted. I remember his words perfectly, "Your job is exhausting! I have this overwhelming urge to just SIT!" :) precisely, my dear. and there were two of us and two of them. We were playing man to man! I usually play zone defense with him gone. Not that I don't love my children or being a (kind of) stay at home mom; I do, but seeing him collapse by 4 pm with a full evening ahead of us made me fully realize where my own difficulties lay.
By the time the house is picked up, dinner is served and cleaned up, the kids are FINALLY in bed (and asleep), I just want to fall into a pile of mush and do nothing at all productive. I fight the urge to mindlessly scroll through facebook or twitter or blogs. I don't want to think, I don't want to do homework (which, I'm behind on now that I think about it), and I definitely never WANT to pray or read my Bible. Honestly, I want to be entertained. I'm taking part in Beth Moore's LPM Siesta Scripture Memory (you can still join too!) and my latest verse was "But she who gives herself in wanton pleasure is dead, even while she lives." 1 Tim 5:6 NASB.
It's so easy to get caught up in entertainment. A show, a website, a phone. You sit down because you're exhausted, mentally or physically (or both!) and before you know it, you're going to bed just as empty and exhausted as when you sat down. Through this week, I've learned a little more on that lesson I've been trying to learn: I can sit down and do nothing but be slightly (and if we're talking about facebook, even less than slightly) entertained and then go to bed with zero spiritual fruits and a bad attitude, then wake up in the exact same state. OR, I could sit down to talk with my creator. The One that knows me in and out and knows how far I've been pushed that day. I can listen as He whispers to me and reminds me of His promises for me and my marriage and my children. I can readjust my mind and heart, and then go to bed with so much love in me for Him and Lance and the girls that it's spilling over and I can't wait until tomorrow instead of dreading it. Remember the proverbs 31 woman? "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." Proverbs 31:25
I want so badly to smile toward the future, knowing that I will handle it with strength and dignity with Him as my strength. I don't want to think tomorrow will be crazy because of sickness or meetings or Lance gone a lot and dread it. I don't want to think, "they'll be 15 and 16 on day and may be fighting every second." I want to look forward to watching them blossom into beautiful women of God, raised knowing the love of the One that made them beautiful. Don't you?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Materialism
So, today's thoughts come (in a round about way) from a veggie tales show. I'm not usually a fan of veggie tales...great message for my toddler, but it's way more annoying than I remember it being. The one that was on in the background today was called Madame Blueberry. She was blue because she saw all the stuff everyone else had and thought she'd be happy if she had all the things they did. This got me thinking about materialism. I think I've always mentally tuned out sermons or books or whatever about materialism. After all...I'm responsible with my money. right? Something that is on sale for $20, even if 99% off, is still, in my opinion, several meals for my family or a date night for me and Lance.
Then I began thinking about the possibilities if EVERYTHING you could buy was less than a dollar. What if a new car was $.50 (random, but when did society do away with the cents sign? when things were no longer costing cents only?) What about all the guitars? A house? Cute new boots? What about things for my kids? oh man....a HUGE swingset? A beautiful wooden painted playhouse outside? When I think of it like that, I cringe at the possibilities. Even if I bought one for myself, and 20 for less fortunate people, where does that leave me? I don't know when I began seperating materialism from money responsibility, but it was obviously a mistake. I don't know that London even enjoyed that particular epidsode, haha, but I sat in tears convicted of my heart. Don't even get me started on Sweet Pea Beauty episode....I bawled like a baby about the King seeing us as beautiful, but that's another day. Now, I have to get back to "blessing" my house and, unfortunately, I'm to the laundry pile part of that blessing. sigh... :)
another verse to add to the fridge now...lol
My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
Psalm 57:7
Then I began thinking about the possibilities if EVERYTHING you could buy was less than a dollar. What if a new car was $.50 (random, but when did society do away with the cents sign? when things were no longer costing cents only?) What about all the guitars? A house? Cute new boots? What about things for my kids? oh man....a HUGE swingset? A beautiful wooden painted playhouse outside? When I think of it like that, I cringe at the possibilities. Even if I bought one for myself, and 20 for less fortunate people, where does that leave me? I don't know when I began seperating materialism from money responsibility, but it was obviously a mistake. I don't know that London even enjoyed that particular epidsode, haha, but I sat in tears convicted of my heart. Don't even get me started on Sweet Pea Beauty episode....I bawled like a baby about the King seeing us as beautiful, but that's another day. Now, I have to get back to "blessing" my house and, unfortunately, I'm to the laundry pile part of that blessing. sigh... :)
another verse to add to the fridge now...lol
My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
Psalm 57:7
Saturday, December 11, 2010
It's all about balance
My final final is tomorrow, and I could not be any more giddy. This semester has been so crazy for us with a wild Indian toddler, newborn, internships, and Lance's senior recital and graduation. I'm so grateful for the placement of Christmas and the break this year. Time for us to stop, regroup our thoughts and hearts, focus on God, and then look toward the future of 2011 with school (for me, not lance and I'm only a little jealous), two growing girls, and the launch of the Journey Campus for Central.
My new year's resolution will be to attempt better balance and better time management. The man of the house, as the spiritual leader, carries tons of responsibility spirituality for the family. I realize that fact more each year of marriage. However, the woman of the house carries TONS of responsibility in her activities for every second. I really wished I'd paid more attention to that lesson before now, but I'm glad I finally saw it. On days that I manage my time with a productive day where I have time to chat with God regularly, I'm less stressed and have so many more fruits of the spirit that I can lavish on my daughters and husband. When I say time management, I do not mean work myself crazy to have a spotless house and an amazing feast on the table for dinner by the time Lance comes home. In fact, being Miss Perfect Housewife is honestly a very large personal sacrifice for me. I've learned that I can not do ministry and attempt a perfect life. If I try, it only seems perfect from the outside. I do laundry and clean clean the house once a week and that is a habit I've just figured out works really well with a family busy in 24/7 roles.
But, in the last semester, if I added up the "down time" that I spent on my phone, the computer, or scrubbing my house like crazy until it sparkles, I think I would be embarrassed and ashamed. A minute here and 30 seconds there really adds up and before I know it, it's 11pm and I have two more chapters to read, I'm tired, and now I'll be really tired in the morning for the girls. yay. We all have those "guilty pleasures" that sneak into your life and take over your prayer time without us even realizing it..darn you Sudoku. ;) I just challenge all that read this and find themselves in this same season of life to look at balance in your life. Maybe you could even be my "running partner" of sorts to help me stay on track :)
My new year's resolution will be to attempt better balance and better time management. The man of the house, as the spiritual leader, carries tons of responsibility spirituality for the family. I realize that fact more each year of marriage. However, the woman of the house carries TONS of responsibility in her activities for every second. I really wished I'd paid more attention to that lesson before now, but I'm glad I finally saw it. On days that I manage my time with a productive day where I have time to chat with God regularly, I'm less stressed and have so many more fruits of the spirit that I can lavish on my daughters and husband. When I say time management, I do not mean work myself crazy to have a spotless house and an amazing feast on the table for dinner by the time Lance comes home. In fact, being Miss Perfect Housewife is honestly a very large personal sacrifice for me. I've learned that I can not do ministry and attempt a perfect life. If I try, it only seems perfect from the outside. I do laundry and clean clean the house once a week and that is a habit I've just figured out works really well with a family busy in 24/7 roles.
But, in the last semester, if I added up the "down time" that I spent on my phone, the computer, or scrubbing my house like crazy until it sparkles, I think I would be embarrassed and ashamed. A minute here and 30 seconds there really adds up and before I know it, it's 11pm and I have two more chapters to read, I'm tired, and now I'll be really tired in the morning for the girls. yay. We all have those "guilty pleasures" that sneak into your life and take over your prayer time without us even realizing it..darn you Sudoku. ;) I just challenge all that read this and find themselves in this same season of life to look at balance in your life. Maybe you could even be my "running partner" of sorts to help me stay on track :)
Friday, September 3, 2010
Patience
I've always greatly disliked the popular phrase Christians throw around, "Never pray for patience." Somehow, a nasty rumor began floating around some time ago that you only need patience when you're given really big obstacles and that God won't send you those obstacles if you aren't praying for the patience to get through them. In my life before marriage, children, and all the other adult stuff, I never had a problem finding situations needing patience. I worked as a server in a restaurant and as a preschool teacher. I had electronics even though I am extremely low-tech. I had difficult professors. Then, when I got married, I lived in a small one bedroom apartment with another person...and a boy at that! Then, we had London, and I assure you, I've had even less difficulties finding situations that require patience since. I've learned that whether or not I ask for patience to get through it, London will dump a bowl of cereal and milk. She will use the restroom in the floor instead of her potty. She wash off her popsicle that was dropped in the dirt in her little swimming pool. These things are going to happen, and if I have not filled up my tank of patience and other fruits, they just seem to happen more.
Now, here I am, 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant, and once again, God is teaching me patience whether I like it or not. (Those of you that plan your pregnancies successfully, do NOT make your last month August just for future reference ;)) I feel like a completely different person, and one that I personally would probably not pick as a friend most of the time. In pregnancy, your body is not what you normally have, your hormones aren't, and you don't even get to wear your own clothes. Very much a case of the invasion of the body snatchers. However, God is faithful. More faithful than me. I'm hoping that this ever lengthening pregnancy and all the "joys" that come with it will bring with it afterwards wisdom and a greater ability to mother two children instead of just one. I'm grateful that His Word doesn't come back void and that He is constantly grooming me to be the leader spiritually I need to be to raise up children for Him and, even more, grooming me to be the follower spiritually I need to be for Lance. Wouldn't it be lovely to be less stubborn and headstrong and learn these lessons way easier and faster though?! :)
Now, here I am, 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant, and once again, God is teaching me patience whether I like it or not. (Those of you that plan your pregnancies successfully, do NOT make your last month August just for future reference ;)) I feel like a completely different person, and one that I personally would probably not pick as a friend most of the time. In pregnancy, your body is not what you normally have, your hormones aren't, and you don't even get to wear your own clothes. Very much a case of the invasion of the body snatchers. However, God is faithful. More faithful than me. I'm hoping that this ever lengthening pregnancy and all the "joys" that come with it will bring with it afterwards wisdom and a greater ability to mother two children instead of just one. I'm grateful that His Word doesn't come back void and that He is constantly grooming me to be the leader spiritually I need to be to raise up children for Him and, even more, grooming me to be the follower spiritually I need to be for Lance. Wouldn't it be lovely to be less stubborn and headstrong and learn these lessons way easier and faster though?! :)
Monday, August 23, 2010
This week's life lessons
One of the reasons I write publicly about my spiritual journey is in hopes that it will help anyone else that may come across it and is struggling in something similar and just needing to know they aren't alone. The main reason, however, is because the posts usually include something God is working on in me and a public admittance helps me to stay accountable. This week, the Holy Spirit has really been tugging on my heart in a few ways.
One of these is the devotion I give to my daughter. Driving in the car in the summer heat, I can not physically put vents on myself. They're all facing her and I'm constantly watching her cheeks to make sure they're not too pink. I make sure she has a cup of water or something to snack on when we go somewhere. Every time I'm with her (which is all the time now that I think about it..) I'm constantly thinking of her well being and comfort. I can't do that for everyone, b/c honestly, I'd probably die from exhaustion haha, but what if I spent half or even a fraction of that attention to physical needs on others? What if when I saw others in public, I truly cared how they were. Would I have offered Jesus a drink at the well, or would I have filled my bucket and hurried off to make sure my little kingdom at home was working like a well oiled machine? I don't really want to know the answer to that, but I'm pretty sure I can bet on what would have happened. Jesus said in Matthew, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"
Another lately is my need for comfort. I enjoy a surplus. At any time in our house, if we run out of hand soap, olive oil, spices, whatever, there is a larger container somewhere to refill it. I enjoy buying in bulk and eliminating the worry of running out. Lance and I are, by no means, "well off" though we are richer than most people in this world just because of our home, food, and other things we deem as "necessity." Things in my life that I need, whether financial stability, fruits of the spirit, recipe ingredients, or whatever, I cling to the surplus. I'm reminded by His spirit over and over, however, of the manna given to the Israelites that was just enough for them that day but would ruin when hoarded. I'm trying to realize that the things I need or want in life are given to me daily and by the second from Him. I'm only breathing b/c He just gave me this breath, and the next one and the next. If He stops, I stop, and I can not run without Him. A recent video clip by Priscilla Shirer really made me stop and think when she reminded us that out of the 2 million Isrealites that were brought out of Egypt, shown the miracles they witnessed, and given all that they were, only two made it to the Promised Land. 1 in a million. ...and now I'm wondering where I would fall in that number based on my life right now.
One of these is the devotion I give to my daughter. Driving in the car in the summer heat, I can not physically put vents on myself. They're all facing her and I'm constantly watching her cheeks to make sure they're not too pink. I make sure she has a cup of water or something to snack on when we go somewhere. Every time I'm with her (which is all the time now that I think about it..) I'm constantly thinking of her well being and comfort. I can't do that for everyone, b/c honestly, I'd probably die from exhaustion haha, but what if I spent half or even a fraction of that attention to physical needs on others? What if when I saw others in public, I truly cared how they were. Would I have offered Jesus a drink at the well, or would I have filled my bucket and hurried off to make sure my little kingdom at home was working like a well oiled machine? I don't really want to know the answer to that, but I'm pretty sure I can bet on what would have happened. Jesus said in Matthew, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"
Another lately is my need for comfort. I enjoy a surplus. At any time in our house, if we run out of hand soap, olive oil, spices, whatever, there is a larger container somewhere to refill it. I enjoy buying in bulk and eliminating the worry of running out. Lance and I are, by no means, "well off" though we are richer than most people in this world just because of our home, food, and other things we deem as "necessity." Things in my life that I need, whether financial stability, fruits of the spirit, recipe ingredients, or whatever, I cling to the surplus. I'm reminded by His spirit over and over, however, of the manna given to the Israelites that was just enough for them that day but would ruin when hoarded. I'm trying to realize that the things I need or want in life are given to me daily and by the second from Him. I'm only breathing b/c He just gave me this breath, and the next one and the next. If He stops, I stop, and I can not run without Him. A recent video clip by Priscilla Shirer really made me stop and think when she reminded us that out of the 2 million Isrealites that were brought out of Egypt, shown the miracles they witnessed, and given all that they were, only two made it to the Promised Land. 1 in a million. ...and now I'm wondering where I would fall in that number based on my life right now.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
His beauty
Sometimes, I wonder if God ever rolls His eyes at me. I so often catch myself after a long day praying for Him to show Himself to me more. I feel alone and stressed and feel like He's no where close to talk to. Yesterday was one of those days. You have those days of parenthood where you feel like this was the reason you were created, and then you have other days where you wonder why God would let you have children and subject such an innocent to such an awful parent haha.
London had been dropped off at my in-laws for her safety and for Lance and I to attend Elevate (our Wednesday night college worship) and I really needed to do that alone. She had cried most of the day, screamed really, and insisted on being in my lap or on me in some way. For those that have forgotten, I'm a few days away from being 8 months pregnant and that lap is slowly disappearing for her to sit on. I was tired, stressed, and because I rely on her naptime as a lifeline to an afternoon quiet time and she hadn't taken one, I felt devastated and unable to cope with the rest of the day. I left the Elevate cook out early because a pregnant girl and extreme heat and humidity just don't mix well. I love the drive to my in-laws in the afternoon/evening because you are facing the sunset and the interstate gives a very clear view. I was driving in complete silence and praying for God to give me just enough patience and joy to finish out the rest of London's evening without Lance there to help (he had band practice) and asked God to reveal Himself to me more. I just wasn't seeing His presence that evening and missed it. Then, the Holy Spirit guided my attention back to that sunset. It was so beautiful, with the clouds a perfect color. I began to watch the landscape as it passed (while watching the road of course :)) and began to see what He was trying to show me. He is everywhere. He created the sunset, the wind through the trees that feels so good on such a hot evening, and He gave me the little girl that's usually cuter than anything in the world but just so happens to be screaming in the floor. I suppose that of all my studying of the fruits of the Spirit lately, what I need to learn most is that everyday of parenthood will require more filling up than the day before did, which means more time with Him. With such a spunky little girl, it will be a challenge to keep her guided gently on the path, but I'm looking forward to watching the relationships that will grow closer through it, with Lance and I and our Lord. Now let's pray for a better day today than yesterday and LOTS of naps! :)
London had been dropped off at my in-laws for her safety and for Lance and I to attend Elevate (our Wednesday night college worship) and I really needed to do that alone. She had cried most of the day, screamed really, and insisted on being in my lap or on me in some way. For those that have forgotten, I'm a few days away from being 8 months pregnant and that lap is slowly disappearing for her to sit on. I was tired, stressed, and because I rely on her naptime as a lifeline to an afternoon quiet time and she hadn't taken one, I felt devastated and unable to cope with the rest of the day. I left the Elevate cook out early because a pregnant girl and extreme heat and humidity just don't mix well. I love the drive to my in-laws in the afternoon/evening because you are facing the sunset and the interstate gives a very clear view. I was driving in complete silence and praying for God to give me just enough patience and joy to finish out the rest of London's evening without Lance there to help (he had band practice) and asked God to reveal Himself to me more. I just wasn't seeing His presence that evening and missed it. Then, the Holy Spirit guided my attention back to that sunset. It was so beautiful, with the clouds a perfect color. I began to watch the landscape as it passed (while watching the road of course :)) and began to see what He was trying to show me. He is everywhere. He created the sunset, the wind through the trees that feels so good on such a hot evening, and He gave me the little girl that's usually cuter than anything in the world but just so happens to be screaming in the floor. I suppose that of all my studying of the fruits of the Spirit lately, what I need to learn most is that everyday of parenthood will require more filling up than the day before did, which means more time with Him. With such a spunky little girl, it will be a challenge to keep her guided gently on the path, but I'm looking forward to watching the relationships that will grow closer through it, with Lance and I and our Lord. Now let's pray for a better day today than yesterday and LOTS of naps! :)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Empty Gage
I'm happy that God knows women better than we know ourselves. He gave us our nurturing characteristics and He also knows that with that gift, among others, we have a tendency to over nurture. We get so busy taking care of everyone and everything else, that we forget about ourselves. Then, at the end of the day (sometimes even the middle of the day), we've poured out all the gentleness, patience, and every other fruit of the Spirit we had and are now running on fumes. I very often find myself forgetting to refuel and then sitting, stranded on the road without being able to do anything until He comes and refills me. Now this is where the beauty of motherhood comes in. Not only does He give mothers a new fufilling role of nurturer, but He balances out our inability to see clearly any longer that we need refueling.
My daughter is my gage. Sometimes, I feel like I can be nice to other people, but how I'm reacting to London shows exactly where my Spirit is. I can be nice and apologetic to a waitress during London's meltdown, and publically be patient with her, but inside, I'm humilated and beyond frustrated. I'm learning to watch not only my outward responses to London, but my internal reactions. I'm learning to refuel before I become harsh or "too" impatient, but that's an uphill battle that I haven't quite mastered. I'm just happy to say I finally saw the tool God is using in my life.
My prayer now is that I remember not to see everything my daughter, or children, do wrong. To let her enjoy being a child, even if that requires Mommy to turn her head in situations, such as when she wants to squish the rest of the banana she's having for snack instead of saying she's done. (Not that I'd give her more banana after that haha) But to see that she's playing with something that maybe I don't care for her to touch, but in the end, it's hurting no one and she's not unsafe, learning bad habits, or being rebellious...she's just curious. Life is so full of new things for her, and I want desperately to reflect the love for her that my Lord has that she can't quite understand yet. I would love for her to learn about God as she grows with an easy realization that He loves her beyond her understanding because that's what she gets at home and it isn't baffling to her.
He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. Proverbs 14:26
My daughter is my gage. Sometimes, I feel like I can be nice to other people, but how I'm reacting to London shows exactly where my Spirit is. I can be nice and apologetic to a waitress during London's meltdown, and publically be patient with her, but inside, I'm humilated and beyond frustrated. I'm learning to watch not only my outward responses to London, but my internal reactions. I'm learning to refuel before I become harsh or "too" impatient, but that's an uphill battle that I haven't quite mastered. I'm just happy to say I finally saw the tool God is using in my life.
My prayer now is that I remember not to see everything my daughter, or children, do wrong. To let her enjoy being a child, even if that requires Mommy to turn her head in situations, such as when she wants to squish the rest of the banana she's having for snack instead of saying she's done. (Not that I'd give her more banana after that haha) But to see that she's playing with something that maybe I don't care for her to touch, but in the end, it's hurting no one and she's not unsafe, learning bad habits, or being rebellious...she's just curious. Life is so full of new things for her, and I want desperately to reflect the love for her that my Lord has that she can't quite understand yet. I would love for her to learn about God as she grows with an easy realization that He loves her beyond her understanding because that's what she gets at home and it isn't baffling to her.
He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. Proverbs 14:26
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Learning Dependence on Him
Never before have I thought about learning to have a dependence on God. That is, never until I had a toddler. London has transformed into a full out toddler this past two weeks, and one thing I've learned is that toddlers don't officially become toddlers just because they can walk. It's the whole package. It's walking, reaching things that are higher, communication, fits, and INDEPENDENCE! Now that she can walk on her own and doesn't need me close incase she falls, she doesn't need me at all. (or so she thinks) I call to her, I show her where we're supposed to be going, I allow her as much independence as possible (when it's safe) but she wants to go another way, gets distracted, or just plain doesn't want to listen. My walk with God has never hit me so clearly in this area.
I never thought about the fact that as I learn and grow, I become more independent, but He must teach me dependence again. If I allowed London to continue on in her independence, not only would she be a danger to herself, but her growing and learning would stop. How can she learn to climb steps leading to a slide if someone's not there to teach her to step up one small one onto a patio without falling? It's never occurred to me before that once we hit this milestone, I'll need to continue pulling her back in over and over and keep her dependent on me. I'm still where she gets food and shelter, and will be until she can at least reach the counter haha. How true is this with God? He is where we find nourishment and rest, but it's not until we're at the end of our rope dying of malnourishment before we remember Who can feed us. At least that's how it is with me. I'm grateful that He is showing me little by little His path for me in a way I can most relate to: parenthood. Now when I look back with the wisdom of hindsight, I see those times when my life seemed frustrating or stressful. I remember my reactions to those times that now very much resemble toddler tantrums, and now I can see where God was reeling me in from hurting myself or just running away from Him and I think of how much harder His job is than mine haha. I am must more stubborn and strong-willed than my toddler (so far) and I'm glad He's always leading me.
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Psalm 23:3
I never thought about the fact that as I learn and grow, I become more independent, but He must teach me dependence again. If I allowed London to continue on in her independence, not only would she be a danger to herself, but her growing and learning would stop. How can she learn to climb steps leading to a slide if someone's not there to teach her to step up one small one onto a patio without falling? It's never occurred to me before that once we hit this milestone, I'll need to continue pulling her back in over and over and keep her dependent on me. I'm still where she gets food and shelter, and will be until she can at least reach the counter haha. How true is this with God? He is where we find nourishment and rest, but it's not until we're at the end of our rope dying of malnourishment before we remember Who can feed us. At least that's how it is with me. I'm grateful that He is showing me little by little His path for me in a way I can most relate to: parenthood. Now when I look back with the wisdom of hindsight, I see those times when my life seemed frustrating or stressful. I remember my reactions to those times that now very much resemble toddler tantrums, and now I can see where God was reeling me in from hurting myself or just running away from Him and I think of how much harder His job is than mine haha. I am must more stubborn and strong-willed than my toddler (so far) and I'm glad He's always leading me.
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Psalm 23:3
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Warning: Work in Progress
In this busy busy season of my life, I always feel like I'm one step ahead of getting pulled under from a swift current. I've never seen more clearly that I am a work in progress until this semester. It seems like a mother's to-do list is eternally lengthening and never accomplished and a college student's is similar but in a very different way. I'm both...in fact, I just realized that I still think in semesters, not months or years. I think that if you look at the to-do lists of students and mothers, as complicated as they are and as long as they are, they are nothing compared to the to-do list of a Christian. Add Christian to another title you carry, and you have just added tons. Today, go to the bank, talk to the babysitter about London's meals, finish term paper for Friday so you can start on the other 4 due, and...love everyone while doing it? Remember to pray more than just for God to help you keep your testimony and not lose it by honking at the people driving crazy in front of you?
The simple truths I've learned recently have hit me harder than I ever imagined and I feel like I have so much to work on that I'll never have enough time to do it all. Truths like, Most people don't need my words; in fact, most don't even want them. They need the power in the Word of God. Or, respect and honor for God is NOT love for Him. Or, I can pray for a miracle until I'm blue in the face, but in the end, God's plan is His plan and....as hard as it is to accept, He knows more than me about loving people and what is best for them.
I'm only just realizing as well, that I don't have to work on all these alone. He will fight my battles for me, if I will just release my grip on them. I can't even open a jar of pickles because of my weak hands, but somehow, I have the strength to hang on hard to the tail end of an issue and not let go, no matter how God tries to show me He's got it.
I have no deep truths to share with this blog. No insight that I have seen through the dark tunnel of life. Only the fact that I am a work in progress and am grateful that I'm not in charge. Grateful for the women in my life that are works in progress as well but are much quicker at handing Him the reins. And I'm mostly grateful that when nothing else shows me what He means by joy, or patience, or slow to anger and speech, He sends me a little girl that makes me laugh so hard every day that I have tears running down my sore cheeks, that makes me breathe in slowly every day and take a moment before I ask her for the 45th time not to scream or throw cheerios at me. I'm grateful that He shows me unconditional love in a diaper taken off without my knowledge in the crib, and that peace is not calm quiet during nap time like I originally thought, but in watching her sleep and knowing she's safe and being secure in her love.
The simple truths I've learned recently have hit me harder than I ever imagined and I feel like I have so much to work on that I'll never have enough time to do it all. Truths like, Most people don't need my words; in fact, most don't even want them. They need the power in the Word of God. Or, respect and honor for God is NOT love for Him. Or, I can pray for a miracle until I'm blue in the face, but in the end, God's plan is His plan and....as hard as it is to accept, He knows more than me about loving people and what is best for them.
I'm only just realizing as well, that I don't have to work on all these alone. He will fight my battles for me, if I will just release my grip on them. I can't even open a jar of pickles because of my weak hands, but somehow, I have the strength to hang on hard to the tail end of an issue and not let go, no matter how God tries to show me He's got it.
I have no deep truths to share with this blog. No insight that I have seen through the dark tunnel of life. Only the fact that I am a work in progress and am grateful that I'm not in charge. Grateful for the women in my life that are works in progress as well but are much quicker at handing Him the reins. And I'm mostly grateful that when nothing else shows me what He means by joy, or patience, or slow to anger and speech, He sends me a little girl that makes me laugh so hard every day that I have tears running down my sore cheeks, that makes me breathe in slowly every day and take a moment before I ask her for the 45th time not to scream or throw cheerios at me. I'm grateful that He shows me unconditional love in a diaper taken off without my knowledge in the crib, and that peace is not calm quiet during nap time like I originally thought, but in watching her sleep and knowing she's safe and being secure in her love.
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